Thursday, October 21, 2010

11 years ago today...

All I can say is wow!  It is so hard to believe that 11 years ago today I gave birth to my first born.  I was barely 18 and scared to death!  I was afraid I wouldn't know what to do, how to hold him, feed him, or change him.  I had so many emotions and fears.....did I mention I was scared to death!?!

Getting pregnant at 17 wasn't exactly how I pictured having my first child, but due to an immature teenager making adult decisions, it happened.

I spent the whole 9 months terrified!  Playing things over and over in my head, wondering how I would do it?  But God knew what needed to happen in my life.  I know that my sinful decision was not God's will, but I also know that God turned what the enemy tried to use to destroy me into my ministry and my greatest accomplishment in life.

Before getting pregnant God was the farthest thing from my mind .  I was living my life the way I wanted to.  I was very rebellious and just wanted away from everything and everyone.  I wanted to have a good time at any cost.

But getting pregnant changed all of that.  I know it doesn't change things for everyone, but deep within me I knew I had to change.  I was going to be responsible for another life.  As the weeks and months slowly went by God continued to make a change in me.  He prepared me for a life as a teenage mother.  I was still terrified, but at the same time the anxiety inside of me was slowly fading.

When the time came to finally see this precious life that I had within me all my fears came flooding back.  I was embarrassed.  I just knew that the nursing staff would look down on me for my situation, but actually that was so far from the truth.  They were so great and compassionate with me.  I had to be induced so it was a very long and tiring day, but at 5:05 pm on October 21, 1999 I gave birth to a very healthy baby boy weighing 7 pounds  7 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long.

At that very moment every fear, care, and concern I had just melted away.  I had never experienced anything like that in my life and for once in my life I knew real, unconditional love!  I sat and cried as I looked at this precious baby that myself and God had tended to for 9 months.  All of a sudden what people thought of my situation wasn't important.  Every fear and worry was gone.  I knew that for that brief moment God gave me total and complete peace.

It wasn't long before my flesh took over and the fears became real again...the "how do I hold him, feed him, bathe him??".  But with time and lots of patience I figured it out.  Thank you Lord for a mother's instincts!

So, on this day 11 years ago I gave birth to the sweetest, most precious child!  Happy Birthday Dawson!!!  Mama loves you more than you will ever know!  You are my angel and you will never know the ways that God used you in my life.  I am so proud to call you my son!


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